As I walked through the doors of the Grand Hyatt Hotel, I could feel my stomach turning, my heart pounding and my curiosity growing. Today, I was going to do something I never dreamed I would do. I was going to the Children's Book Writing Conference in New York City. As I found my way towards the registration table, I felt the excitement fluttering through my body. My skin was literally goose bumping, but now that I think about it, that may have been the ridiculously cold air circulating throughout the conference room. As I received my name tag and conference packet, the excitement and goose bumps quickly turned into nausea and fits of cold sweat. Thank goodness that's when I spotted the breakfast table full of delicious bagels. If anything could stop my nerves, it was a toasted bagel with cream cheese.
But even a hot cup of tea and a sesame toasted bagel couldn't do the trick. When I finally sat down at my assigned table, I was paralyzed with fear. In fact, I may have looked the same color as the cream cheese minus the scallions. Why? Because on this very day, not only was I going to be judged on my work by writers, editors, agents and publishers, but going to this conference also meant that I actually cared. I was serious, determined and most of all invested in myself and my work. This was something far scarier than being judged. It meant that I cared if I failed. GULP.
Yes, In that moment, all I wanted to do was run out of that room, get back on the train and head home to my safe and non-judgmental family. Who was I kidding! I didn't BELONG here. These people were PROFESSIONALS. These people were really SMART. These people were NOT me.
As I slowly and painfully murdered any self worth I had left, a man next to me introduced himself. We started talking about the many times he had been to the conference and how long he had been writing and I started forgetting about my self loathing as he spoke. Like me, he was passionate, determined definitely invested in his work and loved himself a good toasted bagel. The only difference was that he truly didn't care about failing. In fact, he knew it was coming and that is why he was here. My first reaction was, Oh jeez! Of course I get stuck sitting next to the crazy, overly positive guy who likes to fail. But then I realized maybe this guy was actually on to something.
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, FAILURE, is the omission of occurrence or performance; specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action. A lack of success. Yup, that basically sounds about right. But for this man sitting next to me, failure was something very different. For him, failure meant an opportunity for growth. The occurrence by which the missing element that causes failure, can only be identified once you actually fail. Basically, once you know what's not working, you can move forward and fix it. It doesn't mean you have to give up or crawl under a rock. It just means you have to keep going. Yup, this guy was my new best friend.
The rest of the conference was amazing. I got great feedback and I failed many, many times. My work wasn't perfect, but that is why I was here. I needed to know how to grow as a writer. Who knew I would find myself growing as a person too. So next time you care about failing remember the formula FAILURE + A BAGEL = GROWTH. So far it's been working for me.
As I slowly and painfully murdered any self worth I had left, a man next to me introduced himself. We started talking about the many times he had been to the conference and how long he had been writing and I started forgetting about my self loathing as he spoke. Like me, he was passionate, determined definitely invested in his work and loved himself a good toasted bagel. The only difference was that he truly didn't care about failing. In fact, he knew it was coming and that is why he was here. My first reaction was, Oh jeez! Of course I get stuck sitting next to the crazy, overly positive guy who likes to fail. But then I realized maybe this guy was actually on to something.
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, FAILURE, is the omission of occurrence or performance; specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action. A lack of success. Yup, that basically sounds about right. But for this man sitting next to me, failure was something very different. For him, failure meant an opportunity for growth. The occurrence by which the missing element that causes failure, can only be identified once you actually fail. Basically, once you know what's not working, you can move forward and fix it. It doesn't mean you have to give up or crawl under a rock. It just means you have to keep going. Yup, this guy was my new best friend.
The rest of the conference was amazing. I got great feedback and I failed many, many times. My work wasn't perfect, but that is why I was here. I needed to know how to grow as a writer. Who knew I would find myself growing as a person too. So next time you care about failing remember the formula FAILURE + A BAGEL = GROWTH. So far it's been working for me.
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